Remember last week how I mentioned that I’m allergic to my contacts and therefore not allowed to wear them?
BOY, did it get so much worse from there.
**PSA*** This story is totally whiney. Much like this rant, it’s my blog and I’ll whine when I want to!
It all started when I went back to the eye doctor last Wednesday – in the midst of those cuh-razy Boston thunderstorms – to see if my allergic reaction had cleared up. Long story short, my doctor was all, Sorry! Not sorry! Another week of glasses for you.
SO…I start to head home just as the thunderstorms hit and by the time I get off of the T it’s EPICALLY DOWNPOURING. Since I still haven’t (nor will I ever) learned to check the weather and remember to bring an umbrella, I get caught in the downpour and am soaked within three seconds. I know that I have to go to CVS to pick up my new steroid eyedrops (aptly named “FML”), so I run as fast as my flip flops will take me, glasses falling off of my face the entire time. (At one point I take them off and realize THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE BLIIIIIIIND.) Somehow I make it to CVS – albeit 100% drenched – without tripping or slipping or losing my glasses. As I’m standing in line WRINGING THE WATER OUT OF MY HAIR the sweet, sweet lady standing in front of me asks, “Oh, is it still raining outside?”
NO, I JUST TOOK A SHOWER IN ALL OF MY CLOTHES AND COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO TOWEL OFF BEFORE VISITING MY LOCAL PHARMACY, I yell [inside my head].
Peeeeeeved, soaking, and generally just hating the world, I post a really pretty photo of myself on Instagram.
(***PSA #2*** I realize that people wear glasses and survive in life just fine but it’s just. not. for me.)
Then I put the dang steroids in my eyeballs (is this going to make them grow??), call Mike, and have a full-on mental breakdown, à la Halloween 2011. As I’m bawling my eyes out, I notice that the steroid drops have somehow travelled through my tear ducts into MY MOUTH. So I start losing it [even more than I already was].
Me (freaking the eff out): MIKE, WHY DO I TASTE THE STEROIDS?????
Mike (calmly): Tear ducts are like a two-way street. Blah blah science blah.
Me (gagging): IT TASTES LIKE BUTT. I’M GOING TO DIE.
Mike (so calmly): Take a drink of water. Eat a cracker!
Me (face in the sink, mouth under the faucet): I’M PUUUUUKING. THIS IS AWFULLLLLLLL. I’M GOING TO DIIIIIIEEE.
Mike (increasingly…calm): Eat. Something.
Then I gagged 85 times, ate an Oreo, swallowed the steroid taste, and somehow lived to tell about it.
The bad news? I have to put those awwwww-ful eyedrops in my eyes (and by default, THROAT) four times a day. The good news? Four more excuses to eat Oreos.
I’m going back to the eye doctor this coming Wednesday and I certainly hope she reads this post so she will fully understand the hell she is putting me through and LET ME WEAR MY DAMN CONTACTS.
Sorry for all the swears. Brown sugar blueberry scones. The end.
Brown Sugar Blueberry Scones (adapted from Skye’s scone recipe at the Martin House Inn)
- 2 cups flour
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, very cold
- 1 cup heavy cream
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
- 1 cup fresh blueberries
*note: I make these scones in a 9-inch round pan and then cut them into triangles after baking because I’ve found that they stay moister that way.
- Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Coat a 9-inch round pan with cooking spray.
- In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Cut in the butter using a pastry cutter or two knives until pea-sized pieces of butter remain.
- Fold in heavy cream, vanilla, and blueberries (gently!) until barely combined (some chunks of flour should remain). Turn onto a floured surface and knead 5-6 times with your hands until dough comes together. Smooth into prepared pan and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until the edges are slightly golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool for an hour in the pan, the turn onto a wire rack to finish cooling fully. Cut into triangles and serve!
You are hysterical. You should seriously compile a book. With or with out the recipes!
I want to say “when it rains, it pours” but I think that would be insensitive…. So I’ll just say, hang in there! And these look yummy!
I had a nasty eye infection once and was told that the eye drops I had to use would probably seep through my tear ducts and into my throat, so I know how you feel! The pharmacist told me to prevent that from happening to put my finger over my tear ducts before I dropped the drops into my eye.
Hope that helps!
Thank you for the tip!
You should ALWAYS complain on your blog, because your bad days make for the best and most hilarious stories. (But really, I hope you get to wear your contacts again soon!)
Also, these are some of my favorite photos of yours. So gorgeous.
Thank you! I started editing my photos on picmonkey and it. is. a. REVELATION!
Another reason why Mike is so perfect for you. Thank you, Mike!
😦 Sorry that was an aweful experience, Isn’t life just full of surprises? I never knew that could happen with eye drops!
I don’t know what I love more – your food porn/recipes, or your rants. Just awesome. And I followed you on Twitter to go see the picture – awwww!
i have no idea why i wasn’t formally following your blog before, but now that you used the term “tastes like butt” and see steroids as a reason to eat oreos you are kind of officially my favorite.
you are hysterical! i love the blogs as much as the recipes.. since i myself posses quite a sarcastic sense of humor myself.. felt right at home on your page! thanks for sharing!
Did you get to put your contacts back in? I hope your trails with the drops are over… Anywho, it’s raining here in boring Iowa so, I have decided to try your scones today! I am also trying to talk the boyfriend into going and getting an ice cream maker!!! YUMMY! I love your blog and get all excited when I see a new post! Btw, I am patiently waiting for your S’mores French toast recipe! keep up the good work!
How did they turn out?!
I am DYING for an ice cream maker. I saw one for cheap while I was in Denver and ALMOST bought it, but realized there was definitely no way I was going to fit it in my luggage. Next time 🙂
Delicious!! I think the best was eating them warm with whipped topping! Have fun on vacation!
Are you still having trouble with your contacts? I went through a bought where I had to wear my glasses for a year. Thought I was going to die, but every time I tried contacts they would try to eat my eyeballs off. Tried all the expensive drops (Am very familiar with the yucky taisting sterioids) changing brands and solutions, but noting. Then, finally, my optometrist smacked himself in the head and said “oh, I don’t know why I havent had you try this yet” and gave me a Clear Care cleaning set. It is a special hydrogen peroxide solution that goes in a special case with a reactive disk in it that blasts your contacts clean (there are bubbles involved!) Mind you, I always cleaned my contacts well, but this does a magical scruby chemical neutralize-y thing. It is annoyingly expensive for contact solution ($9 at wal mart) and I probably sound like they are paying me, but I seriously thought I would never be able to wear contacts again, and I have been using this stuff for a year with no problems!
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