Honey Pistachio Muffins

I have irrational fears. Like, a lot of them.  Perhaps the most irrational of them all is the belief that the girl from the Sixth Sense lives under my bed. I’ve checked (physically) and know (rationally) that underneath my bed is full of storage and bags and there’s no way a creepy dead girl could fit, much less LIVE under there. But that CERTAINLY does not stop me from leaping into bed from five feet away so she (imaginary creepy dead girl) won’t be able to reach my ankles to grab them. M. Night Shyamalan, thank you for ruining my life.

Additionally, I’m scared that every time I stub my baby toe I’m going to lose my toe nail. (This happened to me last week and NO I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.)

And any time anyone gets hit in the eye and they cover their face like “Ouuuuch Charlie!“, I’m convinced that when they uncover it their eyeball is going to be GONE. Vanished. (Who has two thumbs and is passionately irrational? This girl.)

I’m also worried that I will forget my keys and/or forget to lock the door and someone will break in and murder me. (This fear was newly exacerbated when Mike couldn’t find his keys one morning only to discover them IN THE DOOR. ON THE OUTSIDE. WHERE THEY HAD BEEN ALL NIGHT.)

Finally, I fear that I will never own a puppy. (Just kidding. Threw that one in for comic relief. Obviously it’s only a matter of time.)

Awhile back I heard someone use the term “sugar tumors”* and [(ir)rationally] convinced myself I was growing at least 17 and decided to back off the sugar for awhile**.

*It’s also possible that I made this term up in my own head.

**Read: Four days.

Despite the sometimes-breaks from sugar, I recently realized that I’ve never actually made a baked treat with minimal/no added sugar (to me this means granulated or cane sugar) and set off to make a baked good sweetened only with honey. And honey pistachio muffins were born!

WOW-za. Revelation! First of all, I totally do not feel guilty eating these muffins for breakfast because, hello! Barely any sugar. They are just a little bit sweet, almost to the point of savory. And the batter? DEEEEEEEE-lish. Also perfection served warm with a little drizzle of honey.

Honey Pistachio Muffins (adapted from Scarletta Bakes)

yield: 12 muffins

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup oil (vegetable or canola)
• 1/2 cup honey (use the good stuff, it’s worth it!)
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup pistachios, finely ground*
• 3/4 cup buttermilk
• 1/4 cup pistachios, finely chopped

*Note: Use a food processor to grind the pistachios until they are the texture/size of coffee grounds.

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a muffin tin with 12 paper liners.
2. In a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer, whisk oil and honey until combined. Add the egg and vanilla and beat until fully incorporated. In a separate bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and ground pistachios.
3. With the mixer on low, add the flour mixture to the oil/honey/egg mixture in three batches, alternating with the buttermilk (so you should add some flour mixture, mix, half the buttermilk, mix, flour mixture, mix, the rest of the buttermilk, mix, the rest of the flour mixture). Stir until just combined; do not overmix!
4. Divide the batter equally among the muffin tin, filling each liner about 2/3 of the way. Sprinkle the finely chopped pistachios onto the tops of the muffin batter. Bake for 20-25 minutes, or until the tops are golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool on a wire rack.

 

Mini Almond Flour Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Dear Everyone in the World,

WHY HAVEN’T YOU TOLD ME ABOUT BAKING WITH ALMOND FLOUR BEFORE?????

Sorry for yelling.

Love,

MeI opened my fridge yesterday and spied the huge bag of almond flour I bought in Paris last spring (otherwise known as The Time I Went To Paris And The Only Souvenirs I Bought Were Food) that was {{GASP!}} about to expire!! Rather than let my beautiful Parisian memories go to waste, I decided to a little baking-with-almond-flour experiment.

Usually when I conduct a baking experiment in my kitchen, it goes 50-80% wrong and I send the failed baked goods with Mike into work and his fancy lawyer co-workers that I should try harder to impress work peeps eat them anyway and give me compliments and I feel super good about myself because even when I fail at baking I still make wicked delicious things. Right? Right.

So when I finally had a baking experiment success, I couldn’t help but feel a little mad at you, everyone in the world, for not telling me about almond flour sooner. I could have been baking 100% DELICIOUS things and sending them into Mike’s work and being impressive all along!! What the heck??? I forgive you.Baking with almond flour makes these muffins really really not dry (for lack of a better word) (AHEM…moist. MOIST! THESE MUFFINS ARE SO MOIST.) with very little added oil. Who knew???

And the flavor is out-of-this-WORLD. Try them! Try them!! I promise to never say moist again.

Mini Almond Flour Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

makes 36 mini muffins

Ingredients

• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 2 very ripe bananas, mashed
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 2 cups almond flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a mini muffin tin with paper liners. In a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the eggs and brown sugar on medium-high until light and fluffy, about 2-3 minutes. Add the bananas and vanilla; beat until combined. With the mixer on low, slowly stream in the vegetable oil until fully incorporated.
2. In a separate bowl, whisk together the almond flour, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the banana/sugar/egg mixture and beat on low until just combined. Fold in the chocolate chips. Fill mini muffin tin 3/4 full; bake for 12-15 minutes, or until the edges of the muffins are brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.**
3. Allow to cool on a wire rack. Best served within 24 hours.

**Almond flour bakes differently that regular flour, so the muffins might look a bit over-baked but they will still be moist inside! Just watch them carefully once you hit the 12-minute mark.

Raspberry Dark Chocolate Muffins

While I was home in upstate NY on Sunday, a chipmunk ran into our basement while our jean-jack-wearing non-predator make-love-not-war cat looked on like “Hey, whattup chipmunk. Want to live in my house? I know my owners are screaming desperately for me to catch you but I’d rather browse for jean jackets on eBay. Oh, here’s my food bowl, please help yourself! Come on in, and call me maybe.” No big deal. Thanks for NOTHING, Pumpkin.

My mom and I managed to wrangle that sucker towards the door with the help of a broom and some cardboard box barriers and I’m happy to report that the chipmunk is now back in the wild, AKA our back yard.

When your week starts out with a high speed chipmunk chase, you know it’s gonna be a good one.

It was a week where I peed my pants* laughing at (with?) the kids in my class because we’ve reached the point in the year where they are four-ALMOST-five and they are straight up HILARIOUS. A typical morning this week included at least two children wearing sunglasses inside all day, one child wearing a cape and TRULY BELIEVING she could fly, cinnamon buns delivered from the cinnamon bun queen herself, and overheard conversations such as “Teamwork makes the dream work” and “I am a peddler woman”.

It was a week where I made the mistake of going to Trader Joe’s on an empty stomach and got all fancied up on a Wednesday night.

A week that called for bright pink healthified muffins with raspberry vanilla bean glaze that I made for the SOLE reason of being able to slurp it off a spoon.

Seriously though, the glaze? The perrrrfect pretty little topping for low-fat, low-sugar raspberry dark chocolate muffins. These babies are fancy AND healthy. Win, win.

Raspberry Dark Chocolate Muffins (adapted from America’s Test Kitchen)

yield: 12 muffins

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour plus 1 additional tablespoon
• 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• ¼ teaspoon baking soda
• ½ teaspoon table salt
• 2 large eggs
• ¾ cup packed light brown sugar
• 1/3 cup vegetable oil
• ¾ cup soy milk (or you could use regular milk)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup raspberries (I used frozen)
• 1/2 cup dark chocolate, roughly chopped

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line a muffin tin with 12 paper liners. In a bowl, whisk the flours, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the eggs and brown sugar on medium high for 2 minutes. Turn the mixer to low and slowly pour in the oil. Mix until incorporated. Add the soy milk and vanilla; blend well. Gently fold the dry ingredient mixture into the wet ingredients.
3. In a small bowl, toss the raspberries and chocolate with the extra tablespoon of flour. Fold the coated raspberries and chocolate into the batter. Divide the batter among the paper liners and bake for 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Allow to cool on a wire rack; serve warm.

Raspberry Vanilla Bean Glaze

While I didn’t use exact measurements for this glaze, it was roughly 1/8 cup raspberry juice (smush some raspberries with a fork and push through a fine mesh strainer), seeds from 1/4 vanilla bean, 1/3 cup confectioner’s sugar, and a teaspoon or two of water. Mix it all together and drizzle over the muffins.

*Exaggeration? Or not?